If you seek Amy

Ha-ha hi-hi ha-ha ho! Britney Spears, that's whats on my speakers right now. Spears new song If you seek Amy - F.U.C.K.M.E hehe

My sister arrived last night. She will be staying here until Sunday. Feels like not a lot of full days since I have to work the weekend nights. Maybe she can come with hehe.

My photographer work could go better. My last weekend was really not my weekend. Friday ws very quite though so didn't sold to much, but Saturday was so busy I should have sold and achieved a lot more. I just lost the energy and the feeling for it because of it.

This Friday will be some special celebrity event so I should do good. I have to. Will really work.

But I have been sick which doesn't get any better if I just running all night long. Barely had any voice this Monday. Just trying to rest until the weekend. I really wanted to take my sister out tough... well well..

Here's a picture of me in action while working.

See me?

Any who....

My sister is out now any way, meeting friends, which she apparently doesn't do enough at home =P

I feel like staying home, well I really don't feel like it but want to get better before im of running again. Been looking for some pubs and bars on the Internet that's close to my new place so I can apply for a job there. I also been applying for a lot of jobs on the internet.

If I want to make some money I really have to work harder on the photographer job.

They just fixed the gas in our house so we have heat now. before was unbearable. I or 2 things I can't stand or handle is to be cold, especially in your own house, you have no were to go and get warm. An other thing I can't stand is when you badly have to pee and there is no toilet around.

I like my new place. Its more like a home since its a big house with your own room and a big kitchen.Its just me and 1 par that lives on the first floor who I share one bathroom with, then we all share the kitchen. There have never been any rush there yet.

Haha you will see some pics I made though a website called http://www.faceinhole.com/

You put your own face/head in an already existing picture, can be a celebrity, tv, advertising, art and so on.

Me and my sister made one with the Mean girls stars.

I am the first and the 3rd. told my sister she really looked liked a man in hair haha.

I'm a smoker.

Tha Sis! I think this one is really great actually.

Over and out.

xxRebecca

Settled down?

Right now I'm sitting in my new flat my new room. Its quite exiting.
Haven't been able to wright lately, or had the energy. I have been moving my stuff all week, a little every day. I still have one last thing I have to get 2mrrw when I will get my deposit and hand over the key.
2night I actually made 2 turns. Thought I would get the last things on this last turn, with all the sheets and stuff. But Nooo.
My body is so achen. I carried one heavy backpack, my photographer suitcase, one heavy bigger bag with shoes, and my heavy handbag....

any who...

Think I will get back to you later, since I have some much to catch up on and I don't like writing a lot every time.

Now I will grab something to eat, cause I am very hungry, and then go to sleep. Have to go up pretty early 2mrrw.

Over and out.
xxRebecca

Song of the day

Take a bow-Rihanna

Oh, How about a round of applause, Yeah

A standing ovation

Oh,

YeahYeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah

You look so dumb right now

Standing outside my house

Trying to apologize

You're so ugly when you cry

Please, just cut it out

Don't tell me you're sorry cause you're not

Baby when I know you're only sorry you got caught

But you put on quite a show

Really had me going

But now it's time to go

Curtain's finally closing

That was quite a show

Very entertaining

But it's over now (but it's over now)

Go on and take a bow

Grab your clothes and get gone (get gone)

You better hurry up

Before the sprinklers come on (come on)

Talking' bout'Girl, I love you, you're the one

This just looks like a re-run

Please, what else is on (on)

Don't tell me you're sorry cause you're not
Baby when I know you're only sorry you got caught
But you put on quite a show
Really had me going
But now it's time to go
Curtain's finally closing
That was quite a show
Very entertaining
But it's over now (but it's over now)
Go on and take a bow

Oh, And the award for

The best liar goes to you (goes to you)

For making me believe (that you)

That you could be faithful to me

Let's hear your speech, Oh

How about a round of applause

A standing ovation

But you put on quite a show

Really had me going

Now it's time to go

Curtain's finally closing

That was quite a show

Very entertaining

But it's over now (but it's over now)

Go on and take a bow

But it's over now

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B8XC7idFyvE

This one is not really special or anything, I just had it in my head all day.

Should I really consider who I want as my support?

There is so much going on right now, both emotion and practical stuff, that I don't know where to begin or tell you...

My photographer job last night was fun, but it was kind of hard, harder then I thought. Mainly cause it was so quite and very empty with people. Maybe a good night to start and practice.

I sold 4 pictures any way which is good consider how empty it was, I was the only one selling and in fact my first night.

Tonight we were supposed to work in Crystal, but I think they will change it to Vendome. Don't mind which actually.

For a short period of time now has been very hard on me. I was about to be homeless with no money.

Where the F is my support group? That's right, home in Sweden.

It's from there I've been getting help and support from. It's kind of funny how desperate I started to become and how the situation really became serious, and my help came from an other country!!

I am usually an open an understanding person who doesn't like to be in the way or really ask for help.

Can people just swallow their pride or what ever is keeping them from help, and just help!

I have been having different kinds of people over at my place cause they needed somewhere to stay, without any payments to me, just a simple thank you! And I live in a small studio for Christ sake....

Something else that I in fact don't need right now is negativity.

I don't have a choice right now how I'm living my life. I need to get every money that I can get.

I will and can't afford to turn a job opportunity down just because it doesn't pay enough.

I have a plan now any way how I will manage and how everything will be alright.

Thank you Ingela and Lennart of Sweden!

Over and out.

xxRebecca

"I'm gonna make it on my own"!

I am really about to loose it, and I don't let myself loose it often, if never.
I don't want this stress and stomach ache feeling. That is way I always stay calm and just breathe and thinking everything will be alright.
Now, I barely can't breathe, I'm about to burst into tears, I have this thing in my stomach...
Not enough I don't have a job, I can only pay my rent one more time with my economy, I now have to move out in the following weeks.
My landlord stooped by yesterday and gave all the tenants notice because they are gonna rebuild this house (which is necessary).

I am so lost right now and don't know.... Where will I go?
Fells like I can't even afford to look at a new place. I can't even pay my fucking rent!
I already started packing some stuff so I wont have to do all in the last min. Just the things I don't really use.
Think, every little thing I have to take with me. That is a lot.
How will I cope? Fuck fuck fuck....

But the worst feeling in this I must say, is that I feel and Am so alone in this.
My parents and family is home in Sweden (maybe I should consider moving home...), friends have their jobs, homes and their security and of course their problems...
People can be so blind sometimes, I'm sorry but true.
I really have to deal and fix this on my own.
And I will!!!

"I don't need you or anybody else. I'm gonna make it on my own.
You'll see, you all will see"! - Movie quote.

Feels good to have let it all out.

One goo thing in all this, I got the photograph job!
I am starting 2night. Gonna go to the office at 9pm, then we are heading to the club Maya.
But I think it was kind if trial before they will let me stay... I think, so we will see.

Over and out.
xxRebecca

*...*

Moon River-Andy Williams

Moon river, wider than a mile

I'm crossing you in style some day

Oh, dream maker, you heart breaker

Wherever you're goin', I'm goin' your way

Two drifters, off to see the world

There's such a lot of world to see

We're after the same rainbow's end, waitin' 'round the bend

My huckleberry friend, moon river, and me

(moon river, wider than a mile)

(I�m crossin' you in style some day)

Oh, dream maker, you heart breaker

Wherever you're goin', I'm goin' your way

Two drifters, off to see the world

There's such a lot of world to see

We're after that same rainbow's end, waitin' 'round the bend

My huckleberry friend, moon river, and me

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=flm4xcOyiCo

I heard this the first time on an Sex and the City episode.

...

I have not been to lazy today.
Don't know if I said before, but this photographer job I applied for called me back and wanted me to come in for an interview, and I was supposed to have an email sent to me with details, but I didn't get any.
I emaild them back and applied yet again and I finally got an answer to come in 2day for an interview. So last night I made a test round to see where it was located and how long it takes. I usually do that!

So today had the interview and the job seems allot of fun and you can end up making good money. I just have to wait and see now then.

Afterwards I actually went to Westfiled.
I applied for some more jobs and headed out my CV, and went back to All Saints.
They basically said they would call in the end of this week if anything would come up.

The restaurant job that I also had an interview with called me actually some nights ago and said they would go with someone else with mire experience. Don't know if that is true but I do really appreciate that she called to let me know.

What now...?

Trying to download some Top model but the Internet is so slow.

Tonight I am actually going to Crystal. I was asked by Tatiana to dance there tonight but I wasn't sure if I was ready... maybe some other time. But doing that is good money.
Good money for a short time!

Over and out.
xxRebecca

*...*

To all of you-Syd Matter

To all of you

American girls it's sad to

Imagine a world without you

American girls I'd like to

Be part of the world around you

Driving a car by the seaside

Watching the world from the bright side

To all of you

American girls in the movies

No one can tell where your heart is

American girls like dollies

With shiny smiles and plastic bodies

I wish I had an American girlfriend

I cry sometimes walkin' around my own place

Wondering why she cries sometimes

Talkin' about her own place

Somewhere around the mountains

No one could dry her fountain

Till she got tired to complain

That's when I fly

To the wild land

To your land

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YwJqUbd1vzs

I heard this one from an episode from the OC.

Like other ones, I fell in love with is right away.

Weekends night out in pictures!

Pictures taken from Johannas blogg http://johannabengtsson.blogspot.com/

Johannas usuall pic momet of her outfit of the night. I am hiding in the back.

On the but on our way in. The bus and traffic was sooo slow we got so tired.

At Cockoo. I really liked the contrast with the table.

Joh!

Our last summer

YoYo!

Just thought to myself how lazy I really am! And i really hate it... I really have a problem with just get on with it, do stuff, get my ass out of the wagon...

My plan was to go to Westfiled today, to check up un the All Saints job I applied for last week. It is better to go back and show that you are really interested in the job. But of course something comes in the way as usual. I set the alarm on 9.30, and I woke up at about 11am. Can't even remember hearing the alarm or that I was turning it off.
But that is not an excuse, Westfiled closes at 10pm weekdays, so I still have time of course. Its just that is raining... so I don't know. Will see if it will clear up.

Any who...

This weekend then...
I went to Dolce this Friday as I said, and 3 words; Same. Old. Shit.
People are rude, don't understand you, I really feel like I am in the wrong place. There are no people like me in there, that I have meet any way...
But I a different in a good way. I would never change myself so I could be more like them or give them what they want.
But the bottom line for the night was that I was accused of my friend Tatianas stolen Blackberry. I just had one thought in mind at that time; Fuck No! So I left, without saying goodbye to anyone.
When i don't want to take shit from anyone, I don't!
I just walk away.

But as I had promise my (more of a) friend Johanna that we would go out Saturday as well, I went out.
We talked and planned on going to a place call Whisky Mist (Aguilera was visiting that place when she was visiting London), but we changed our minds to Dolce actually. I didn't get any answers from the guy we were supposed to go with and Dolce had their closing night so we choosed Dolce.
That night wasn't good either, cause we couldn't find any promoters we knew that was hosting a table. (I really don't like that actually, girls who stand by the tables and get free drinks, I feel very cheap. I so want to have my own money and buy mo own drinks, yet another thing that is different to me and all the other people out).
We also went to Cuckoo where Johanna knew this Prince, which he actually is, who bought us drinks.

I slept at Johanna's and the day after we watched Mamma Mia the movie, which I hadn't seen. And to be honest, it wasn't that good as I thought it would be. I just liked the music and the fact that it was a musical.
Therefor the song of 2day yesterday.
Sometimes when i gear a song fro the first time i either fall in love with it right away or its just another song. This one I really liked.
It's usually the melody and how the people are singing it that makes it special.

Later I will upload the song if this day.

Over and out.
xxRebecca

Song of the day

Mamma Mia The Movie-Our last Summer

The summer air was soft and warm

The feeling right, the Paris night

Did it's best to please us

And strolling down the Elysee

We had a drink in each cafe

And you

You talked of politics, philosophy and I

Smiled like Mona Lisa

We had our chance

It was a fine and true romance

I can still recall our last summer

I still see it all

Walks along the Seine, laughing in the rain

Our last summer

Memories that remain

We made our way along the river

And we sat down in the grass

By the Eiffel tower

I was so happy we had met

It was the age of no regret

Oh yes

Those crazy years, that was the time

Of the flower-power

But underneath we had a fear of flying

Of getting old, a fear of slowly dying

We took the chance

Like we were dancing our last dance

I can still recall our last summer

I still see it allIn the tourist jam, round the Notre Dame

Our last summerWalking hand in hand

Paris restaurants

Our last summer

Morning croissants

Living for the day, worries far away

Our last summer

We could laugh and play

And now you're working in a bank

The family man, the football fan

And your name is Harry

How dull it seems

Yet you're the hero of my dreams

I can still recall our last summer

I still see it all

Walks along the Seine, laughing in the rain

Our last summer

Memories that remain

I can still recall our last summer

I still see it all

In the tourist jam, round the Notre Dame

Our last summer

Walking hand in hand

Paris restaurants

Our last summer

Morning croissants

We were living for the day, worries far away...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wp_-tRTuP84

...

Look what I found.

I will use this image when I post the Song off the day...

Song of the day

Hallelujah-Leonard Cohen

Well I heard there was a secret chord

That David played and it pleased the Lord

But you don't really care for music, do ya?

Well it goes like this The fourth, the fifth, the minor fall and the major lift

The baffled king composing Hallelujah

Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah

Well your faith was strong but you needed proof

You saw her bathing on the roof

Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew ya

And she tied you to her kitchen chair

She broke your throne and she cut your hair

And from your lips she drew the

HallelujahHallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah

Baby I've been here before

I've seen this room and I've walked this floor

I used to live alone before I knew ya

And I've seen your flag on the marble archand love is not a victory march

It's a cold and it's a broken

HallelujahHallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah

Well there was a time when you let me know

What's really going on below

But now you never show that to me do ya

But remember when I moved in you

And the holy dove was moving too

And every breath we drew was

HallelujahHallelujah Hallelujah HallelujahHallelujah

]Maybe there's a God above

But all I've ever learned from love

Was how to shoot somebody who outdrew ya

And it's not a cry that you hear at night

It's not somebody who's seen the light

It's a cold and it's a broken

Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah

Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah

Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bsuXbkrA_AQ&feature=related

It's been about 2months...

... since I've been out, but 2night I Am!

Don't know why I have come around really, but since I don't have a job at the moment (that's right, just for the moment) I thought I could. Have more energy now, and it feels like I already mentioned this 2day... what ever.

I'm going to meet my friend Tatiana at this club Dolce that's closing down.

Maybe I should tell you what I used to do, you know, when I was a regular party person.

One word is enough: Promotion!

I tried to promote all these different nightclubs in London. It was a lot fun, still is I guess.

It can be very dangerous if you don't know what you are doing or learn the business, as it actually is.

The things you get when you promote, is free entrance (girls that is) and free drinks at the table the promoter is hosting. I learned pretty early how it all worked and how people act and behave. I really hate arrogant, rude and bitchy people. Guys and girls! But I sticked with it. As long as I am nice and don't let it all get over my head and think I'm better then any1 else, it was fine.

Why I stooped going out was a mix between that I was really fed up with that kind of people. I just thought I don't need it and want it anymore. At the same time I just got a new job that I really had to focus on and get some money, stay sharp and fresh.

When I did this promotion work in the clubs I stooped drinking.

I was going out every day, apart from Sundays and Tuesdays. Mainly cause I didn't know any good clubs those nights. If I were going out almost every night I couldn't bee drinking every time. So I made a packed with myself; only drink on special occasions, that is Halloween, New years, birthday parties and so on... but that hasn't gone to well. That means I haven't been drinking on any of those times. It didn't really happen Halloween so I wanted to make up for it the next time I was out, which turned out to be the worst of them all.
I had a good time and all but I got sooo drunk and one of the mangers, whom I know from the club I was a regular to, asked me to leave cause I was to drunk. But of course I didn't. Actually the owner himself didn't want me to leave so... but I was fed up anyway so I left, when I noticed I lost my Blackberry!!! I actually figured I would be better off without it, but it was all the contacts and nr on it that matter... any who, I kind of slipping way here...

I went out the weekend after that, but it was also after that weekend I had enough.
And during this whole time I've been working, and only working, I haven't been out what so ever. I haven't touched a drink (apart from that Bailyes at Ninas). I Love Bailyes!



There is actually one person I missed from that life.
Tatiana! I will see you 2night.




That was my life more then 2 months ago.
2night it's all coming back! =P (for know any way)

Over and out.


xxRebecca

1 Day, 2 Calls

Yo!
Have been to lazy to write any longer stories. I put up the song of the day last night any way. That doesn't take long hehe.

Whats been cracking?

I've been applying for a lot of jobs. Mostly online. It's easier and most jobs require that.
I spent the night with Nina this Tuesday and we hit Westfield Wednesday. Just looking around and I applied for some jobs. Ok, only 2 what I can recall. All Saints where I really want to work actually, and an other store I don't really remember the name of. Something with "hug bear" or bear hug" any who.
Nina helped me buy some fruits and vegetables. You know cheap at one of these markets. It was very heavy to carry home. Interesting? I know!

Yesterday I spend most of the day applying for jobs, and i actually got a call from a restaurant where they need some1 to promote fr them, selling their food and such outside. It's money any way. So now I'm waiting to meet them. Have an 4pm appointment. Thought I would go to La Senza first and get my P45 or if it is the P46 copy.... but lazy as I am I thought I would go there after the interview. I also got a call from a photo shoot company, or how to say, which supplies people for clubs where they take photos and selling them.. I think. There is any way good money. But they said they would send me an email about the details, cause I'm meeting them Monday, but I haven't got any. It's usually problem with my email since I have 2 underscores which can be confused with just 1!
I just called them but the line is busy.

I borrowed some OC DVDs from Nina which I use as company hehe..

I think I will go out 2night as well!!!
Since I'm not working I have the energy now and Johanna is off this weekend so i thought Why not?

I've been trying to lift and upload this blog with a picture on the top. My dog Rasmus.

Later i will put The song of the day!

Speak soon.

Over and out.
xxRebecca

Song of the day

Gabriellas Sång

(Swedish song)

Det är nu som livet är mitt

Jag har fått en stund här på jorden

Och min längtan har fört mig hit

Det jag saknat och det jag fått

Det är ändå vägen jag valt

Min förtröstan långt bort om orden

Som har visat en liten bit

Av den himmel jag aldrig nått

Jag vill känna att jag lever

All den tid jag har ska jag leva som jag vill

Jag vill känna att jag lever

Veta att jag räcker till

(Oh, oh, oh...)

Jag har aldrig glömt vem jag var

Jag har bara låtit det sova

Kanske hade jag inget val

Bara viljan att finnas kvar

Jag vill leva lycklig

För att jag är jag

Kunna vara stark och fri

Se hur natten går mot dag

Jag är här

Och mitt liv är bara mitt

Och den himmel jag trodde fanns

Ska jag hitta där nånstans

Jag vill känna att jag levt mitt liv

A good Weekend

My parents just left.

It's been a great time having them here actually. Unfortunately I was working the whole Saturday. When I have family visiting, I want to be able bee free and spend the whole time with them. Feels like I'm missing out if I'm not with them... any way.

They arrived New years eve night. I worked the day after but meet with them afterwards. We decided to go to my place and have some tea and bread and cheese. That was good.

I had Friday off luckily. During the day we tried to sort out wit my job hunting, so I had to print out some CV's and then meet them at Harrods, since I've heard they might look for stuff at some departments. and I feel like I want to step up a bit in the retail area and aim higher if that makes sense? I want to be more professional and fancier some how.

Friday night we had ticket reservations to the Spamalot musical, and that was The Funniest I have ever seen. It was hilarious. Now, I have seen the movie and I love the Monthy Pyton team so I understood what it was about.

I will definitely see it again, when my economy is a bit better and on track, but I can really recommend it.

I worked Saturday but meet with my parents afterwards and went to their hotel and watch some tele and ate chocolate hehe... that was nice.

2day has been Freezing. I mean it was one the coldest days I have experienced here. Maybe I could have had more and especially better clothes, but still.

We tried to find a cafe or something to hide and get warm in, but everything was closed or had an late opening. We went to a Starbucks any way and tried to make time go, cause they had to leave in the afternoon but we didn't really had time to go explore things.

We ended up at my place were its warm.

And now they left. I missed them already, and the thing is I never had any problem with homesickness or missing any of the family. I've been fine on my own. But this time I felt something. Huh, maybe I do have a heart after all... =P

From now on, since I don't have a job, I have to first of all look for a new one of course, but also try to fix with my money and tax and shit. I've been paying way to much tax which I could get a refund for. It can be a lot of money we are talking about, and I need every pound if not every pence I can get. So lets do that shall we?

F*ck I don't have my blackberry, or a decent camera, so I can upload my pictures I would have been taken during this weekend when they were here.

Any who...

Talk to you later.

Over and out

xxRebecca