Thursday, 15 January 2009

"I'm gonna make it on my own"!

I am really about to loose it, and I don't let myself loose it often, if never.
I don't want this stress and stomach ache feeling. That is way I always stay calm and just breathe and thinking everything will be alright.
Now, I barely can't breathe, I'm about to burst into tears, I have this thing in my stomach...
Not enough I don't have a job, I can only pay my rent one more time with my economy, I now have to move out in the following weeks.
My landlord stooped by yesterday and gave all the tenants notice because they are gonna rebuild this house (which is necessary).

I am so lost right now and don't know.... Where will I go?
Fells like I can't even afford to look at a new place. I can't even pay my fucking rent!
I already started packing some stuff so I wont have to do all in the last min. Just the things I don't really use.
Think, every little thing I have to take with me. That is a lot.
How will I cope? Fuck fuck fuck....

But the worst feeling in this I must say, is that I feel and Am so alone in this.
My parents and family is home in Sweden (maybe I should consider moving home...), friends have their jobs, homes and their security and of course their problems...
People can be so blind sometimes, I'm sorry but true.
I really have to deal and fix this on my own.
And I will!!!

"I don't need you or anybody else. I'm gonna make it on my own.
You'll see, you all will see"! - Movie quote.

Feels good to have let it all out.

One goo thing in all this, I got the photograph job!
I am starting 2night. Gonna go to the office at 9pm, then we are heading to the club Maya.
But I think it was kind if trial before they will let me stay... I think, so we will see.

Over and out.

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