Wednesday, 31 December 2008

Happy New Year!!!!

Ok, my excuse would be the lack of Internet connection and a little bit of time, why I haven't been writing.

Whats been cracking?
Christmas has happened, but it wasn't really any Christmas for me. Just an other day home after work, but I did had the day after free which I can't remember spending it.

Any who...

My parents are gonna come 2night. they will arrive abt 10pm and I were supposed to meet up with them and do something, cause it is New years eve 2day by the way, but since I'm working at 10am 2mrrw I thought it was to late. They will come 2mrrw after work instead.

Nothing much has happened. Been working, no social life so far, which I didn't want cause I really had to focus on working. Apparently its the Christmas temps last week this week. Mine is on Saturday.
Hopefully I will get the 7am-12pm shift, since that girl is leaving.

Any way...

Now I'm in my bed just been eating some toasts and hot chocolate. Gonna watch some One Tree Hill now....

Wanted to just write something before the next year hehe..

Speak to you soon.

Over and out.

Saturday, 20 December 2008

Song of the day

Madonna "Miles Away"

I just woke up from a fuzzy dream
You never would believe those things that I had seen
I looked in the mirror and I saw your face
You looked right through me, you were miles away

All my dreams they fade awayI’ll never be the same
If you could see me the way you see yourself
I can’t pretend to be someone else

You always love me more, miles away
I hear it in your voice, we’re miles away
You’re not afraid to tell me, miles away
I guess we’re at our best when we’re miles away

So far away
So far away
So far away
So far away
So far away
So far away
So far away
So far away

When no one’s around then I have you here
I begin to see the picture, it becomes so clear
You always have the biggest heart,
When we’re six thousand miles apart

Too much of no sound
Uncomfortable silence can be so loud
Those three words are never enoughBut it’s long distance love

You always love me more, miles away
I hear it in your voice, we’re miles away
You’re not afraid to tell me, miles away
I guess we’re at our best when we’re miles away

So far away
So far away
So far away
So far away
So far away
So far away
So far away
So far away

I’m alright, don’t be sorry, but it’s true
When I’m gone you’ll realize
That I’m the best thing that happened to you

You always love me more, miles away
I hear it in your voice, we’re miles away
You’re not afraid to tell me, miles away
I guess we’re at our best when we’re miles a-a-away…

You always love me more, miles away
I hear it in your voice, we’re miles away
You’re not afraid to tell me, miles away
I guess we’re at our best when we’re miles away

So far away
So far away
So far away
So far away
So far away

This is The best songs she has ever rwitten, is what I think

Thursday, 18 December 2008

Four done One to go

2mrrw is Friday man!
I sometimes loose the track of the days, I just work, get home, sleep and up again for work.
The days and my time at the moment just flows 2gether.
I even forgot that it is in fact Christmas next week. I don't really have any Christmas spirit, maybe cause I'm not going home... My parents are coming and visit me on New Years eve any way =)) We are gonna eat dinner that night, with my friend Nina. I'm working till 8pm I think, but they are coming kind of late..
You know the packet they send me as a Christmas gift?!
I've been waiting for it and thought it Would take some time. But then my mum tells me it has been delivered to the receiver 11Th f December.
1 Week Ago!!!!
Where is my packet? I get very worried now, cause there are some food, a sweater I really wanted that my mum made herself and some xtra Christmas gift they send.
My landlord closed his cafe cause I think he is having an operation, but can't remember when he would be back. If there is any mail and packets you get, he gets first and then puts it on the stairs in the hall.
But since he is not here, since I don't know when, I really wonders who got my packet!
Some1 has it! It said its been signed for and delivered.
Gonna check that 2mrrw.

Any who...

I was supposed to write and tell about all the costumers that we got that I hate.
I really hate people!
No some are really nice.
2day there was one guy that blessed me cause I helped him finding a new pairs of underwear cause he's been told an other price then what it actually was, and he didn't want to stand in the long cue again as he did before, so I helped him to the other one with no line.
I didn't thought it was that big deal, but he said "God bless you"!
An other customer (and I really don't hope my managers or some1 is reading this, which i really doubt) tipped me £5 cause I helped him with some things. I was so suprised and it went so fast. He was very sneaky and fast about it, cause I don't think I am allowed to accept anything from costumers.
I am really trying now not to loose my temper and get rude and angry with the costumers when they are a pain in the ass and just rude to me. before I could give them a little something back, but now I just suck it in and breathe and keep helping them.. don't know why really. Either I really growned, or I actually cares for this job.
I believe you do get your reword at the end if you are a nice person. All that matters is how you are, and don't care about others. That is theirs problem.

Round it up.

Over and out.

Monday, 15 December 2008

One done, four to go!

As I mentioned,I like to work and do it well when I'm either not to cold or have a bad headache.
2Day was one of the worst headaches I've had. When I usually have them its for small parts of the day or not to bad ones, but this one was bad All day Long.

It was h-o-r-r-i-b-l-e!

I couldn't work properly and felt so week and just walked around like a zombie. Some of my work people noticed I wasn't as I usually are. I looked very tired and exhausted.

Its worst when I have to bend down to pick up something or when I'm moving to fast, which I have to do most parts of the days.

Think I had a small attack of migraine. Its genetic in my family, my dad has them very bad and often, and my sister had some as well.

(I do inherit the worst from my parents, hehe apart from the looks =P)

I couldn't take it so I was allowed to go to Boots (a pharmacy) and get some painkillers.

I toked them straight away and I Did feel a little better afterwards.

On top of it all when I finished my shift and just wanted to ran home, I was asked to stay about 30 min longer to help with the clothing. Thoughtful as I am, I said sure. I mean, i feel bad when I say No to a person if they ask for help, or if I would call in sick and so...

I have a big conscience!

Any who...

Now I'm in my bed and just eaten some toasts and made lunch for 2mrrw. Same as 2day; rice with shrimps and mussels. Loves it! hehe.

And watching top model. Can you imagine? =P

Over and out.


P.S Ow shit. I always forget.

I was supposed to congrat my brother who turned 24 last Friday, 12 of December.

Happy Birthday Adam (if you are in fact reading this)

Sunday, 14 December 2008

Song of the day

"Dear Mr. President" Pink (feat. Indigo Girls)

Dear Mr. President, Come take a walk with me.
Let's pretend we're just two people and
You're not better than me.
I'd like to ask you some questions if we can speak honestly.

What do you feel when you see all the homeless on the street?
Who do you pray for at night before you go to sleep?
What do you feel when you look in the mirror?
Are you proud?

How do you sleep while the rest of us cry?
How do you dream when a mother has no chance to say goodbye?
How do you walk with your head held high?
Can you even look me in the eye.
And tell me why?

Dear Mr. President, Were you a lonely boy?Are you a lonely boy?
How can you say No child is left behind?
We're not dumb and we're not blind.
They're all sitting in your cells While you pave the road to hell.

What kind of father would take his own daughter's rights away?
And what kind of father might hate his own daughter if she were gay?
I can only imagine what the first lady has to say You've come a long way from whiskey and cocaine.

How do you sleep while the rest of us cry?
How do you dream when a mother has no chance to say goodbye?
How do you walk with your head held high?
Can you even look me in the eye?

Let me tell you 'bout hard work
Minimum wage with a baby on the way
Let me tell you 'bout hard work
Rebuilding your house after the bombs took them away
Let me tell you 'bout hard work
Building a bed out of a cardboard box
Let me tell you 'bout hard work
Hard work
Hard work
You don't know nothing 'bout hard work
Hard work
Hard work

Oh How do you sleep at night?

How do you walk with your head held high?

Dear Mr. President,You'd never take a walk with me?

Would you?

I have No Name or Imagination what so Ever

If 2day would have been about at least 6 months ago, I would have felt awful with the biggest anxiety. I always hated Sundays. I love them at the same time I hate them.
I love them cause it is an other free day for you, if you are not working of course. You can sleep long in the morning.
I hare them cause its the last day of the weekend and its just getting nearer Monday and a whole new week to go through.
But I actually feel good. I don't have anxiety or Sunday regrets... Don't mind going to work actually. Of course i Love when the weekend is upon us hehe, but my job is fine (so far). As long as I don't have a bad headache or being to cold I just keep working.
That is a Big step for me I'll tell ya.
I always hated to work, whatever that has been. I really don't like people and that kind of costumer service.When they come up to me and asks for favors. But in this environment I don't mind people. I actually like helping them what to buy and give advise. Especially when the guys buys for their girlfriends and wives.
Who doesn't like it when they walk out of the shop satisfied with a smile in their face?
2day I have been picking up my laundry. trying to buy some cheap food and vegetables.
I've been emailing some model agencies and got a reply back wanted me to sign with them.. so we'll see. not telling you ,ore or which agency it is.
I've been cooking lunch for 2mrrw. Rise with mussels and scrimps in coconut milk. I love that.
Thanx to my mum.
So now I'm in my bed were I been spending most of my day in. Should round it up, casue I want to go to bed soon so I have a long sleep as I will be working 11am-8pm next week. I prefer to finish early then late. And I also have to go to the bank 2mrrw morning and cash in my paycheck I got from work, and wash my hair, so I have to get up early hehe.

Over and out.

Saturday, 13 December 2008

One done, One to go!

Talking about the weekend. Feels like this one was moving so fast. To fast!
I was supposed to gone to Nina's work 2day, well I did but I overslept a little bit so I couldn't spend as much time there as I wanted.
I put the alarm at 9am, I snoozed till 11am and thought I just would rest, when I actually could have gone up. The next time I woke up the time was 12.30 pm!!!
I panicked, and felt sooo bad. I wanted to be there early. I rushed up, washed my hair (which I regretted immediately, cause it was so unnecessary), got dressed, put on make-up and piled up my clothes that I needed hand in for wash.
I don't think I have ever got ready that fast before, consider how much I had to do. I was out of the door about 13.10pm.

The weather was horrible. It was raining and windy. I had to hold my umbrella and a huge bag of clothes. Luckily I don't have to far to the laundry.

I bought some food with me that me and Nina could eat. I figured she would be hungry and wanted to be nice and give her a little something after all she been giving me, food wise.

I didn't arrive to late after all.
I just love it there. It feels like its a place to go just to chill out and get some peace and quite.
We ate and talked about some real and important stuff, and fun stuff hehe.
I watched One Tree Hill.
Nina was working.

Now I trying to consider if I should shower now or in the morning..... I any way have to go to bed. And in this writing min I'm downloading some Top Model. Can you imagine?
I started to watch the very first cycle (as its called) but that one felt so old and bad so I jumped to cycle 3. Now I know who the winner is, but I just enjoy to watch the show.

It really got me to want to become a model. I kind of always had that as a top priority in my life, but it is recently I really had a passion and interest for it. I've been sending photos and my details to some model agencies... so we'll see!

I don't know...

Should I...?

Can I model?

No, I will shower and do my SPA treatments 2mrrw, as I usually do.

I rub all fake tan of. Of my body (which I don't have any at the moment) and my face, putting some face mask on.

Cut an file nails, shave my legs... and so on and so on.

My f*cking Internet doesn't want to work sometimes, and its really frustrating when you are trying to download something that's stops half the way or that is almost finished.

Over and out.


Thursday, 11 December 2008


Not much has happened since last night and the latest blog.. hehe..
We have a winner in America's next top model cycle 8, I think it was. So now move on to cycle 7, hehe I'm moving backwards.

Just sitting in my bed right now waiting to go to work.I woke up early cause I had to watch my hair, and apparently either fixed myself very fast or I woke up To early, cause now I'm having some time on my hands, and what's not better to use that time then pop by and write in my blog!

Its almost weekend again and I'm so exited yet again. Love the weekends. This time I hope I will use it more the the last one. I hope I can pay a visit to Nina's job. ( I love it there. Its quit, no people, I can watch some shows. Ok, maybe I should say what see does so it will draw your picture easier. She works at the Swedish channel 5.

Think I have to round it up yet again so I won't stress my way to work when I Did have allot of time on my hands.

Over and out

Wednesday, 10 December 2008

Long time no Read!

I feel I only have one person to apologise to, which is Nina. She actually asked me to update my blog. Yey I have a fan.

Not gonna be the person who says sorry for not writing in a while, I write when I feel like it. but I do prefer to write a little bit every day rather then come back after a few days and have allot to say and catch up.

Well whats been happening, what been cracking?

I've been working and it really becomes busy now and I really feel some frustration towards some people. I mean, its Not hard to pick up your stuff after you tared it down, or put back your items if you changed your mind of purchase them.

I don't know, is it?

One day one of the contestants from the show X Factor, which I Do Not follow (I don't have a TV but from other reasons), came to visit our store. She was kind of noticeable. All fixed with allot of make-up, fancy fur-vest, leather pants and high heals. But I didn't know who she was, until my Manager came in the store and asked "Where's the celeb?"

When the "celeb" walked out there were paparazzis outside taking pictures. It was kind of surreal. You know that kind of picture you only see in magazine or in some home-made video when there is a famous person with all the photographers. I thought it was kind of fun to see. But some people can't handle famous people. They scream jump up and down, cry and really trying to get a close up. I will only do that for One person, and one person only.

Miss Christina Aguilera.

I love the 2 in the middle best of her all outfits, hehe.

Any who...

Right now I'm in my bed eating, or drinking, soup. I actually bought some food now. Felt I had some money for it. And I started to feel hungry hehe.

I become to feel that for me, buying food is luxury

Can you imagine I have no tea left!? At least not green tea...

2Day my thoughts go out to one of my colleagues who just lost her friend. R.I.P.

Ok, I will round it up.

This week I'm working 12-9pm. Its not to bad actually. As long as I'm not to cold or have a bad headache.

2Day I started to feel pain in me knee tho. I had knee problem since I played football when i was younger. Well well....

Gonna watch some Top Model now, and I have a donut I'm gonna eat =)

Over and Out


Sunday, 7 December 2008


Last night I had dinner with my neighbor, or she cooked for me rather.
It was sone kind of stue that was very good, and bread she made very easily from scratch.

We talked allot about nothing and everything. She's been travelling allot and told me everything she's been through and done, and all the places she visited. Of course she didn't tell me about all the places she's been in, but enough for me to get very Inspired.

It made me want to do all of those things as well. Just grab your things and get on the road. Backpack in Europe.

I never really gave the backpacking and travelling thing allot of thought in the past, but it sure open my eyes last night.

I really like to walk, whether its power walk or hiking, and she told me about a place in Spain were there is this hiking path you can go. If you walk the whole way it will take you 1 month.

All the food she told me about. I really love food, especially foreign an when you are in an other country.

Lately I noticed I get Inspired from other people allot. Guess I'm getting older hehe, but in a good sense.

I like to see the true meaning of life and make a different. That's why I'm kind if sick of the whole party thing, I guess.

I want to see the world and what it has to offer. Other people, their culture, their food.

I think that's how you end up with your ideas. Allot of it is from especially other people.

You see what people do. You like it and want to do the same thing, but then perform it in your own way.

You see what people are wearing. You like it and want to wear the same thing, but design it to your own.

Maybe I feel I have done my part here in London for now. Of course I think I will stay a bit longer, cause I Do like London and I have a job now, and have to make some more money, but still, the idea of not know where you are going or what you will end up to do is kind of tempting.

To get Inspired from someone or something is not to copy or not have a will of your own.
One of the things is to maybe get to know yourself better, see what kind of abilities You have, see the world and things in an other perspective.

To get Inspired!
Not to Mimic!

That is way Christina Aguilera's new perfume is called Inspire.

She gets Inspired from all kinds of directions in her life. Mostly to her work.

Over and out


Saturday, 6 December 2008

woke up at abt 10am. Took a shower and washed my hair so i felt very fresh. Then I had to see how much money I had on my Swedish bank account and if my dad had transfered (which I will pay back) so I could pay my rent.

I desided I would pay rent 2day, when its actually on monday, so the same thing wouldn't happen again when I couldn't pay rent the last time, in time anyway.

I had a cheese burger with fries as well. I got so full. A whole burger for my little stomach hehe....

One of my neighbours stoped by. She is from Australia and told me she hadn't seen her family or country in 4 years!! I was quite shocked. She travels alot, and is going to Sweden and Poland for Christmas and new years. I got kind of jealous abt the Sweden part...

Any who.

She toked me to some cheep shops where I bought fruits and vegetables and some sanitary stuff. Water and yogurt at Sainsburys.

Now she is making some food for me actually, and she makes bread.

Wish I was good in the kitchen. I really feel like making bread and feel like a housewife. My mum makes the best bread. They taste best when they are fresh from scratch.

Well don't have to much of interesting things to write, so....

I am not going out after all. My friends would, but I just became to old for that stuff. Feels like I lost alot of my will to alot of stuff. I just work now. Trying to make a living.

I might go to westfield 2mrrw with my friends Johanna ( and Milly. I always want to go there cause when I did a tryal at a other job I saw this guy working at the opposite shop that was very cute. I started to notice him, as did he. I've been there once after that and saw him again... so maybe 2mrrw I will make my move lol...

I feel I lost my ability to write as well and feels like my neighbor's gonna pop by any time now so I better go. Just got a text from her actually.. hehe

So,this is my friend Johanna

She use to be blonde but is now like me =)

Over and out


Friday, 5 December 2008

Weeeekend =)

I have never longed for a weekend this much as this week. I feel really shattered.

2day was my worst day at work. Its really starting to get busy with the holidays coming up. And I'm getting so irritated and mad at the costumer. Its not that hard to just pick up after yourself or even hang your stuff back. That will make our job so easier and make it look better. I know that is our job to do, but still.... I don't mind really fixing and making the shop floor tidy, its just the idea that people Don't think!

This morning was the worst part of the day. As I said, I didn't have time to go downstairs and eat breakfast, but was planning o taking something with me from him (my landlord), but I was running late and didn't want to risk being alot late. So I had to take some pounds I actually had and buy a sandwich and some fruit for lunch. So without breakfast I felt so week and no energy, a little dizzy and just didn't know what I was doing at times.

But now I just stuffed my pizza I got. Thought I could save half for like 2mrrw, but I just couldn't resist hehe.

I actually thought if going out 2mrrw. Never on a work day, but way not 2mrrw?

I really have a color theme 2day. Trying to spice it up here a little bit.

I lost my phone awhile ago (my pink blackberry) when I was out and getting to drunk.... and I wanted to say its a shame I don't have the very good camera that one had. That way I could have upload pictures straight away. Now I just have my old ones and from Internet.

This is Me and my best friend Nina at my 21st birthday, which is the 28Th of April.

We ate some very good burgers near her work. And she had bought a little candle that the staff put in the ice cream or what it was we had.

It was sooo sweet and I laughed so much.

Over and out


No more breakfast for me!

I overslept a little bit so I didn't have time to go down to my landlord's and eat, so now I'm sitting on my bed drinking tea, and only tea. Waiting for Top Model of course hehe.

Either I will ask my landlord if I can take some sandwich with me, or buy some. Think I do have a £5 note... else I can't eat 2day.

But I saw my pizza in the fridge and I can't Wait to eat it.. think I'm gonna eat it 2night mmm....

When you are broke and really don't eat much or anything sometimes, its easy to get some sort of eating disorder. Your body is used to not get any. That's how I feel. Sometimes I don't mind Not to eat!! =/ I did wanna lose wait anyway. I wanted to slim my legs and get them a little thinner. Thus is something I get mad about when people around me tells me, if they Stoped eating just so they could lose wait. Which is not the best way. You have to exercise and eat allot but of the good and healthy stuff.

I person like me who doesn't eat so much recently, should feel some kind of symptoms one would think. Like headaches, dizzy, no energy... not me really. At least not headaches which I use to have allot and really bad ones. I did tho feel kind of week and no energy at work yesterday. Sometime my eyes just wondered around and i didn't know what I was looking for or did. But it is now very busy at work. Its allot of people running around the shop, and it is a small one.
Is it the next picture of me?

Ok, now I'm gonna watch Top Model and the fix myself ready.

Over and out


Thursday, 4 December 2008

Ok, before I'm getting ready for bed and getting to tired, here are some photos of me

This was one of the first days in London. More then 1 year ago now.

This is during the Kopparberg promotion job

Also for Kopparberg, in Manchester

I was once a blond

This is from one of London's nightclubs, Dolce. Look at my then long thick hair.

At home (London)

Me ready for a night out, with less hair hehe.

Bye for now XXX

I Really have No imagination....

I am very tired right now. My whole body feels very heavy, and I just feel so unfresh. With the make-up and the hair... after a whole day And a week of work you feel very dirty. Its like you haven't showered and not really looked after you........ which I don't think I have actually. There is no time.
Like this week, I finish at 8pm, i get home at about 9pm, sitting by the computer, blogging, watching top model, and the time goes, and you have to go to bed, and get up at about 7-8am. I am to tired anyway to bother do anything when I get home. What I really should do now is to curly my hair and sleep on it so its big 2mrrw. Thought I would have a head band 2mrrw at work.

I really can't wait for the weekend when I'm really gonna relax. Not in the since that I will sleep all day. I want to do stuff and really used the weekend. (I feel I use the word Really allot hehe).

When I didn't have any job for about 2-3 months, I didn't do anything. Your friends were working (like you are supposed to) and I didn't have any money (I still don't) and everything you do here will cost you. The only thing I could do is go for a walk, which I like but it hasn't been to much of that lately.

What I ate 2day was the sandwich I got yesterday from one of the girls I'm working with for breakfast, and the other half (hehe) for lunch.So really, 2 day I had 1! sandwich.

You know its weird, I could be more hungry, well I Am but not starving. Guess my stomach is now used to get... well nothing hehe. But Ok enough about that....

Well I am so tired and don't even know what I am writing hehe. So I will leave you all for now.

I will get back to you later and put up some pictures of me actually. How shallow that may sound. But just the look of me through the times, if you are interested in a little more about me.

This is my work logo. You can visit the webpage at
(simple as that i think)
Over and out


America's nex Top Model

In my bed now, drinking tea and the juice and half of the sandwich I was giving yesterday. Have to save the other half for lunch.

Think I will have the pizza for the weekend and really spoil my self with food hehe.

Now I'm waiting for the Top Model episodes are gonna be ready from YouTube. I've been watching that allot nowadays. Since I don't have a TV or movies, I have to find something else to watch. Before it was "Girls of the playboy mansion" but couldn't find anymore episodes... then some other movies that you could download from YouTube, like the Scary Movies, Not another teen movie, and one I can't remember the name.

What i like with Top Model is more their assignments, makeover and the photo shoots. Not as much the actually show with all their nasty and bitchy fights, which is really annoying to hear. I couldn't actually get myself to live with a bunch of girls like that. I don't really like the girly type, you know then moaning, shallowness, rude, mean..... I am quite chilled and want mostly peace and quite.. haha I sound like a old flame, but of course I have my moments as well when I wanna spice it up.

Ok, I have to round up now, cause I think they are ready and I have to start watching and get ready to go to work..

Over and out


Wednesday, 3 December 2008

Boyz II Men - End of the Road

We belong together

And you know that I’m right

Why do you play with my head, Why do you play with my mind?

Said we’d be forever

Said it’d never die

How could you love me and leave me

And never say good-bye?

Girl I can’t sleep at night without holding you tight

Girl, each time I try I just break down and cry

Pain in my head oh I’d rather be dead

Spinnin’ around and around


Although we’ve come to the end of the road

Still I can’t let you go

It’s unnatural, you belong to me, I belong to you

Come to the end of the road

Still I can’t let you go

It’s unnatural, you belong to me, I belong to you

Girl, I know you really love me

You just don’t realize

You’ve never been there before

It’s only your first time

Maybe I’ll forgive you, hmm maybe you’ll try

We should be happy together

Forever, you and i

Girl, you love me again like you loved me before

This time I want you to love me much more

This time instead just come to my bed

And baby just don’t let me, don’t let me down

Girl I’m here for you

All those times of night when you just hurt me

And just run out with that other fella

Baby I knew about it, I just didn’t care

You just don’t understand how much I love you do you?

I’m here for you

I’m not out to go out and cheat on you all night

Just like you did baby but that’s all right

Hey, I love you anyway

And I’m still gonna be here for you ’till my dying day baby

Right now, I’m just in so much pain baby

Coz you just won’t come back to me

Will you? just come back to me

I have No Name

I was supposed to write this morning as I have done before, so i would get 2 posts a day, but for some reason I coulnd't make it with the time. Think I got up later then usual. I ate some breakfast at my landlords anyway, and he made me a sandwich so I had for lunch.
Tomato and some feta cheese on wholemeet bread. Mmm...

Yesyterday was kind of a sad and depressing writing, and i will continue that road.

I'm a sad person you see... hehe no all jokes aside.

But i was supposed to write about my feelings for christmas this year.

Last year was my first christmas abroad, well I wasn't abroad on Christmas day but my first year not living at home... so last year felt very imprtant for me to go home, which I at first couldn't, because of work, but I got my way anyway.

This year didn't feel as impprtant, since I already celebrated my first Christmas from home At home, if you inderstand what I mean.

But the closer you get and with all the christmas decorations on the streets and christmas song at work, I feel really sad not going home afterall. Christmas is the one and only time a year I actually care about. I love the feeling you get, the decorations your mum makes at home, and don't get me started in the food which is my abslout favorit during Christmas.

As you get older (or at least me) you stop caring about getting alot of Christmas presents. I love to give thou.

My mum called me the other night and was wondering if they wanted me to send stuff to me. I coulnd't really think of anything spec, anything would make me happy. But food would be great hehe. Then she mentioned the spec Christmas candies she does, that made me long for home even more. And all my friends are going home so I will be kind of all alone at Christmas. I think thats even worse then being alone at your birthday. But I can't go cause I have to work, and I really Have to, and I can't afford it anyway. So I'm stuck here.

Any who....

A wondeful thing happend at work 2day. I've been telling some people that I can't really buy any food (or anything for that matter) and I'm totally broke, not cause i like to spread the word, but I will tell them if they ask why I don't eat more for luch for eg.

So one girl asked me if I had any breakfast 2day and she wanted to buy me luch. I was like "No you really don't have to.." But she kept instisted, as did I. So she took me to marks and Spencer and said "Ok, what do you want?" I picked out a very good sandwich, which I love. A double chicken, bacon and avocado. Then she asked me if I wanted some drink, like juice. "Are you kidding?" I asked really suprised. So she bought me a kind of big sandwich, juice, some chips.. oow AND a pizza. "For later", she said.

O my God she made my day. I said I have food for a year now hehe.

God bless her. I said I would give her a little something in the future as well ;) She is pregnant you see...

Right now I'm in my bed, as usuall. I have the best connection to the internet here.. and 2day I am actually drinking tea =P Green tea

O My God look what i just found.
This is the cutest and funniest I have ever heard.
Well since I can't upload the video i will give you the address:
Over and out

Tuesday, 2 December 2008

Something really real. To me!

OK, so where should I start? You know, where I am at the moment and so. In life.

I will tell you about my dog Rasmus, A Cavalier king Charles Spaniel. The biggest Love I've ever had, never really realised. But I guess you never know or appreciate what you have until it's gone. But I have always appreciated him, I just find it Very hard to accept the fact he is not around anymore, but i will not say I will never see him again cause I believe I might...

He passed away late summer this year (2008). While I was living here.

He has pretty much always had some kind of problems and sickness, with his heart, paws...

It was about 1 1/5 year ago that we (or my parents that did all the work) took him a lot to the veterinary and he had some kind of operation when my dad sad that we should be prepared that he might not be around for much more... and when I took him for a walk, I started to really think about what our life's would look like and how we would continue living when Ramus would have moved on... I started to cry!

I mean everything you do has something to do with him. Weather you are playing with him, feeding him, going out for a walk, which was a phrase that became a lifestyle "Can you go out with Rasmus?", "They are out with Rasmus", "I'm gonna go for a walk with Rasmus". He was crazy for his walks. Of course, like pretty much every dog, he understood the phrase "Wanna go out"? And he would get on your nerves with his barking. Which of course now, you miss hearing..

I was doing promotion work in Edinburgh with my brother at the time, when I got "The Call" from my mum, saying she had some bad news about Rasmus! My whole body system just went down... "He is alive", she said, "but we have to put him down". Now I was in the city with a lot of people and my friends, and I just sank down on the streets...

That weekend i couldn't care less about anything else. Not the job, the people, my Manager. Plus I still had to drive. I did cry during driving, until I couldn't take it. i had the biggest breakdown and just said "No I can't do this"! This other girl had to take over.

I have always said that i Would come home if that were the case with Rasmus.

When me and my brother got back to London we tried to book a flight home. I was so desperate and panicking that I didn't care about the money nor the time, i just wanted to get home fast. I was so scared I wouldn't make it. It was such a long journey. When we are waiting for the boat to take us to the summer house we have, my mun is calling and saying that Rasmus died that night.

(I am staring to cry, cause it brings back all the feelings I had at that time and moment, which is The worst I have ever been through)

I cried on the boat but was trying to hold it so bad. When we meet our parents it all just break loose. I didn't know what to do, I was going crazy. I slept through the first day, I didn't eat for days (maybe some fruit once in a while), I remember I didn't talk much, if not at all.

One thing I liked with this whole thing, is that for the entire week we were there it was the best weather, and my mum said it hasn't been like this the whole summer. So think of it like this: its raining and cold and windy, Rasmus is very sick and the dog that we know is gone. The day after he dies, it is great weather. I like to see it that Ramsus is fine and really in a better place now. That's how I am trying to still keep it together.

That was now about 3-4 months ago, and until now I have been fine actually. Until recently, when I started to think of him again. Sometimes and can't keep it together and just breaks down. Sometimes its even heard to hold it in if I am out or even at work. Those are the times (if not the first) when I really misses my family actually. My mum that has been very special to him. She was his favorite, and the other way around, so i really felt bad for her about Rasmus, but surprisingly enough she coped with it better then me.

I think that, I Now realise that Rasmus is dead! But at the same time I can not picture a life without him.

It has now been easier for me since I've been living here in London. Don't know where i would have been in mind if I was still at home when it happened. I'm not sure if I will dare to go home again to an empty house....

This was a long version and a long text from a even longer reality, but I actually hope you have energy to read it.
Rasmus was 9 1/5 years old!

A quicky before work ;)

Wanna start by saying: "Thank you Nina for welcoming me to the blogworld. Who would have thought? I am so suprised myself. With only 4 post and its going so well... well, i wanna thank....."
=P see what I did there?
Here is Nina's blog Read it andweep!

Just had some breakfast, which I was not in the mood for, didn't feel "peckish" for it, yet I am very hungry.. no shit, I'm not eating. I go to bed hungry, which is one of the worst feelings. Like going to bed with the burst to pee. So uncomfortable!
But don't know how many times or much more I can go down there and eat his food for free. Even tho he told me I could come down when ever I wanted, and always asks me if I want tea of coffe when i stop by... But I don't like being in the way and want people do stuff for me, if they haven't offered themselfes. That is way I hardly ever asks for help or favors. It has nothing to do with neither pride or the fact I wanna feel independent.. I think.. I just dont like or want people to basically do stuff for me or clean up My mess.

Any who.... I took half the sandwich and chips I had, and made it for lunch later at work.
Not bad nah? hehe

Trying to upload both images and videos but haven't really learned this just yet.. don't know how I can upload a song or video from youtube that I would like... I can paste the site ay way: It is a swedish girl that won the Idol in 2005, I think. I just got stuck with this song first time I heard it. The first note and I fell i Love!

I know my friend Johanna upload from youtube.. have to ask her. here is her blogspot btw: Read ut and weep!

No i have the burst of going to the toilet... and have to think about the chours, which is going to work (as we say in Sweden when you really have to get going).

Well I get back 2night!

Over and out.


Monday, 1 December 2008

Good evening!

Pretty much just got back from work and just sitting in bed drinking tea (my new favorite thing to do) and eating some croutons.. you know the small breads you have in salads? Since I am very poor at the moment i really can't buy any food. Literally.
Luckily I have my landlords cafe downstairs. Don't know if I would have made it otherwise... any way...

Now, some quick facts about me:

Name: Rebecca Morner
Age: 21 (28-04-1987)
Live: London, UK
Born: Stockholm, Sweden
Hair: Long brown
Eyes: Blue
Eyelashes: long
Lips: Small pinkish
Height: 5'8 (175 cm)
Shoe size: 6 (39-40)
Nails: Short
Boobs: Small
Ass: Big

one little sister 18
one big brother 24
one half big brother mid 30
and the recently deceased dog Rasmus (which I will get back to)

I moved to London a little more then 1 year ago now (early Sept 2007) with my friend Nina.
I was really fed up and simply bored with what Sweden had to offer, which was nothing.
There was no really fun night life, and Stockholm is supposed to have a very good reputation with what bars and clubs have to offer, but id didn't do anything for me in the end.
There were no opportunities and the life kind of just stood still. I also wanted to meet new people and friends. Here, every person you meet does something that can be good for your career, and can help you in some way.

To make it quick, I first got a job at s.k Mailboxes-etc, which is kind of like the post office, that just was killing me. I sticked for about 7-8 months before I got a promotion job with the Swedish cider kopparberg (I think I would have left it anyway at that time even if I wouldn't have got the promotion job).
Included 8 Swedish people, touring around England and Scotland to promote and sell this product. That was a lot of fun (in the beginning at least). We had great hours (I thought) that was evening and night shifts, and we got to travel and stay for free wherever we staid. I got to learn to drive on the left side, which was terrifying in the beginning.
We made alot of money as well. £500 a week and it was just Thursdays-Sundays.
Don't wanna be to long...there is some details that I will tell you'll later..

But that job finished in August... and I Just got a new job!! So I have not been working for about 3 months. How the hell can one survive for 3 months without a job in this city? One of the most expensive in the world! It git me!

But I got a job at a lingerie branch called La Senza. This is the first job I have ever had that I don't mind going to, basically. Yet, knock knock on wood.
I always have this anxiety when going to work. Never liked working, go up early in the morning and knowing when you get there, you're stuck.

(This is a lot of text)

Any who...

I'm trying to upload some images and pictures, but it won't let me. Its more fun when there is something to look at rather then just a looong text running through.

I might come back 2night again, but I feel I have to round it up.
Now you who don't know me, now know a little more what I am about and where I am from.

Over and out.



God Morning everybody! (well all of you anyway that find your way to this spot and reading this).
It is a cold morning :( Well it is the 1st of December so...
I just had breakfast at my landlords, as he has a small cafe just downstairs. I get it for free so I really save on food :)
I will soon head to work, which btw I just been for 4 weeks. I will get back to all of that later.
When I get back home 2night, which will be around 9pm (I work 11-8) I will tell you who I am and what I am about.
Over and out.